© Bill Burnett and Peggy Sarlin

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I've lived my own life, win or lose, no one ever called the shots for me
I put myself into these shoes and no one ever tied the knots for me
Life's a banquet, so I ate
Piled experience on my plate
Grabbed loves gleaming golden cup and drank it down
Bottoms up!
So proudly now I turn and face the crowd
And sing my feelings very loud

I Regret Everything!
Every moment of my life
Every step that I take is another big mistake
I Regret Everything!
There is nothing I've done right
Summer winter fall or spring
I Regret Everything!

The one good man that got away
My acting in the high school play
That time at lunch I dropped my tray
My history of tooth decay
The love I gave one reckless night
The pants I bought that were too tight
That time I ran the traffic light
The Chinese Food I ate last night

(Burp) Pardon!

I Regret Everything!
Every single thing I've done
Every path that I choose only leads to more boo-boos
I Regret Everything!
Look my stockings got a run
Summer winter fall or spring
I Regret Everything!

Everybody

I Regret Everything!
Every moment of my life
Every step that I take is another big mistake
I Regret Everything!
Right or left I'm always wrong
I regret to have to sing
I regret having sung this song! 

Oh now I've depressed you.  I shouldn't have come